I heard this quote once and it floored me. It was one of those quotes that I had to think about at first and then when I got it after a few seconds, it impacted me- HARD. Probably because it was exactly what I needed to hear at exactly the right time.
You see, I was set in a victim mindset after a particularly bad relationship and I carried that mindset with me for years. I took it from relationship to relationship like a hundred pound luggage! Anything anyone said or did that was a tad sarcastic or meant to be a joke, I couldn’t take it. I defended my worth to the death. But what was actually going on was me disguising my truth and pain with a hard exterior that was “confident.” Deep down I wasn’t sure of my worth after heavy wounds from that relationship were handed to me, so defending it was the only thing I felt I had to hold on to.
In my defensiveness, I tried to make myself believe that was just me proving my confidence! I tried to make others believe it too. While some may have, I know what it really did…
It didn’t allow me to be vulnerable. It didn’t allow me to get close to anyone truly at the heart of it. I didn’t trust anyone and at the end of the day, I didn’t let love in nor did I love anyone back. I protected myself and blamed everyone else for everything.
Year after year thinking it was everyone else, I heard this quote. “Wherever You Go, So Are You.” Why was I continuously unhappy in my relationships? Because “I” WAS IN THEM!
They say relationships are like mirrors looking back at you. They are your best teacher because you have to face the hard truth of who you REALLY are. It’s easy to be single and do life the way you want it. Sure it might get lonely but you don’t have someone telling you when you are being a jerk. You don’t have someone complaining when you start to spend too much time on social media or when you’re being just plain selfish. And in my past relationships, I just couldn’t handle that. I couldn’t handle someone telling me I wasn’t enough because I was in so much pain already!
But then finding out about the grace of God, knowing that I’m not perfect and that “that’s ok”, knowing that I was more than enough, so much so that Jesus tortured himself for my life, was when I was set FREE!
KNOWING that made my responses change. BELIEVING that made ME change!
Trust me, I still have my defensive moments. Just ask my husband. But I can eventually get to a place to recognize where I failed. I can eventually say I’m sorry. Then I can take that lesson and CHANGE to be more like Christ.
I don’t know where you are with your relationships. Whether friendships, marriages, courtships and even relationships with your family members, but either way I hope this quote sticks with you like it did for me. I pray that the next time you start to feel that ping of unhappiness or defensiveness you can look at yourself in the mirror or try to put yourself in the other persons shoes. We are all a work in progress. It’s a daily struggle for all of us to be the best versions of ourselves. But every day is another chance to get better, to say I’m sorry or to forgive.
I hope you take that step today.
Let me know if there’s any relationship that I can pray for below in the comments!
As Always. Fabulously Flawed,