It’s been a few weeks since I’ve had the pleasure to sit down and type out my thoughts in blog form.  I tell myself it’s because I have my hands full, but if I’m being honest with myself, that’s not true. It’s because I feel, well,….stuck.

I know I’m not the only one out there experiencing these feelings that seem to keep me stuck.  Some days I want to shout from the rooftops and yell “HELP! IS ANYBODY OUT THERE!?”  And other days I just freeze up and stay in a somewhat numb state, telling myself “I can’t handle this anymore!” I start to sulk and play the victim with lines like “this was supposed to be such a wonderful, memorable time with my first born baby girl and it’s all so terrible!”

I’ve often taken on the attitude of “I hate everything.”…. “I hate the news. I hate the virus. I hate the masks. I hate social media. I hate the President. I hate Joe Biden. I hate conservatives. I hate liberals. I hate the world. I hate the movements. I hate what people think. In fact, I’m starting to hate people as a whole and even hate myself.”

This is SO uncharacteristic of me.  I love people. I love peace. I love joy. It’s where I thrive. And yet here I am, full of hate.  In times of uncertainty I’m supposed to turn to God (which I do in the morning and sometimes other times as well.)  But I’ve been turning to so many other things when my heart has gotten uncertain.

(There it is folks!)

I start turning to my phone, the news, social media etc. when I feel unsatisfied and there I find myself filling my mind with worthless garbage and then guess what comes out of me? Garbage!  It’s funny because I tell my kids that “what goes in must come out. So don’t fill your mind or your ears with crap TV and music.” And here I am, a full on hypocrite.

It’s this awful internal battle happening when I see what’s happening and I want to yell to people God’s truth (especially on social media) and I forget that some people just don’t want to hear it.

I learned a new verse this week, not just in reading but by experiencing. Oh isn’t that the most painful of all teachers? It says this…”Don’t give that which is holy to the dogs, neither throw your pearls before the pigs, lest perhaps they trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces.” (Matthew 7:6.) Jesus appears to be warning his disciples to preach only before receptive audiences.

Ouch! My audience surely was NOT receptive. I threw my pearls of wisdom to pigs and boy did they tear me to pieces!  So not only was I already feeling burdened because of what we are experiencing, I then was burdened because of the persecution I received.

There’s a good lesson here.  I kept lying to myself… or maybe it was satan (still not sure.)  But basically I was fooling myself to believe that persecution comes with the territory of being a Christian, so I kept putting myself out there.  And while it is true, we will be persecuted for our faith, it doesn’t mean we preach to those that never wanted to hear it in the first place.  Jesus and his disciples spoke to those that came to them with an open heart, seeking answers. We can plant a seed but not a whole sermon unless it’s asked of us.

I pray that my failure leads to you not making the same mistake.  Learn from me.

So with this post, I vow to do better. I vow to fill up on what is good!! Those things that are really good for my soul.  Bible time and coffee. My babies giggles. Watering my garden. Calling a friend.  Facetiming my parents. Lighting a delicious candle and just sitting in my favorite space with a book.  Making a good salad. Doing an awesome workout. Taking a walk and looking at the birds and the flowers and trees.  Sitting outside at night starting at the moon and the stars…..

My soul needs this reminder: while we are in these uncertain times, there is one thing we can be certain of: “God is Good, ALL.THE.TIME!”

God bless you and keep you. May his face shine upon you and be gracious to you… as He is and has always been to me.

XOXO

PS. If you are like me and you’re feeling a little more persecuted then normal then our next virtual study is the study for you. We will put on the “Armor of God.” We start this coming Monday the 10th.
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Oh my heart the last few weeks! This feels like an uphill battle. But in all my questioning and confusion, it was clear to me that it’s a battle I shouldn’t ignore. And not just shouldn’t ignore but CAN’T ignore.  I went to bed thinking about my babies and wondered what the world would look like for them when they grow up.  It scared me honestly.  Until I realized,“the world will look the way we tell them it looks.” 

The world our children will live in, largely depends on us. From what we say to what we don’t say. Do we make it comfortable for them to ask questions or do we tip toe around the hard stuff?

I didn’t want to simply throw up a black square on my instagram and say “I’m muted so you can talk.”  But instead I wanted to start the conversation- like a real conversation and get responses.  “What can I do today to make the world a better place?” And the overwhelming response was “teach our children.”  So while some are in the streets protesting, I’m vowing to protest from home.  I’m doing it for my children and all God’s children. No matter what you believe, I think we can all agree that this world could look a whole lot better and a whole lot more loving.

Here’s How I’m Moving Forward:

I asked a beautiful black friend of mine “how can we change the way the next generation will think and act when it comes to race? I told her I don’t want my children to live in a world that displays so much hate and anger. And this is what she said:

“Don’t make it weird. I feel like it’s still weird in 2020 to have all colors in the home. Meaning, have black baby dolls in your home, read them stories with black characters, watch movies with them in it. This will show them that you love all colors of skin. Show them that it’s not taboo. Let them know we are different in color but love is love and you can love and appreciate everybody.”

It’s so important to pray but we have to put some action behind it. We have to solve the problem for our children and our children’s children.  We have a huge responsibility in this. God made each and everyone of us for His glory.  And I want to glorify that within these four walls.

Here are some books that we can buy our children to bridge the gap more and more.

I snagged all 4.