Apology + Life Update + A Prayer

As many of you know, my life has been extremely busy over the last few months. We had my sisters wedding and all the events that led up to it, our home was on the market and most importantly, my new marriage with three kiddos was underway!

Well I’m happy and relieved to say, the dust is finally settling! My sisters wedding and events went off without a hitch and her and her new husband are off on their honeymoon! As far as the house, if you read my post back in February, we left it in God’s hands. We gave it a specific date to sell by. And if it didn’t sell by then, then it was God’s plan for us to keep it and make it “ours.” So I’m excited to say our remodel will begin in October! I can’t wait to make new changes to our home together as a family. The kids will all move into bigger bedrooms, our bottom floor will be completed and become our family hangout and our kitchen will be done in true “Fixer Upper” Joanna Gaines style! We all feel very good about the decision to stay and look forward to the changes.

We’ve also become a family. I feel it in every fiber of my being. I wouldn’t be complete without them. And I pray day and night they feel the same. They’ve each in their own special way made me complete in the earthly sense. They’ve made home feel like “home.” Ava, the 14 year old, with the special nights she sits at the end of our bed when all the other kids are sleeping and talks to us about life and struggles and her heart. I see the same girl at the end of the bed that I once was at her age. Stella, the 11 year old, with her constant desire for our full attention. Asking us to watch her gymnastics and then makes us laugh a minute later with some witty joke. There I also see myself, innocent, untouched by the world, only asking for love from the ones that she loves most. Then there is Jameson, the 4 year old. His heart is wide open to receive all the love I can give. He has no concept of stepmom. Just a woman who loves him with all she’s got and is there to kiss his boo boo’s when he hurts himself, or tickles his back til he falls asleep. I’m not sure he knows I wasn’t always there and in some ways, I feel like he’s always been with me too. God put him there in the deepest part of my heart long before either of us knew much about life. He was an ache I yearned to have filled. He was a love I desired to give. And now I’ve got it here in front of me. He’s my laughter on a bad day and my reminder that “this too shall pass.” And then I’ve got my marriage. My Neil. He’s the man I never knew existed and my greatest lesson. He’s my mirror. I learn more about myself everyday by seeing myself through his eyes. I see beauty, I see pain, and I see a work in progress. He shows me who I am. The good I never knew I had and the bad that I always tried to escape. He makes me better. I’ve also begun to figure out “our dance.” He wants to be heard without defense when I was always used to having to defend. I’m learning to put my defenses down and let him be heard. I’ve learned that if he’s dissatisfied with something I said or did, I can accept it instead of fight for my need to be right. I don’t need to prove myself to him like I needed to in the past. He married me, he doesn’t need proof that I’m worth loving. And that’s a mighty fine place to be.

So that’s my life update as we stand today.

But I do owe you an apology. I wanted with my whole heart to put out a free devotion by now and I have not been able to. I am sorry that I promised something and wasn’t able to deliver. It seems figuring out how to publish something and make it a downloadable feature on my site has me stumped. That, along with the short blips of time I have to devote to figuring it out, has pushed back the progress. The devotions are all written and ready to be read. But it looks like it will take me more time to get it up and running on the site. I’m asking for your patience. I promise I’m working on it. And I thank you in advance for understanding.

And lastly, I find that sometimes I go somewhere and someone tells me they read my blog and I’m shocked. “But you’ve never commented, liked or subscribed! I had no idea!” It’s so important for me to know who my readers are. If I know who you are then I know your needs, what you need prayer for, what you like etc. It makes the experience better for you and helps me keep you in mind when I’m putting anything out there. So please please please, let me know you are reading! It’s so important to me.

Now let’s pray!

Dear Lord,

Thank you for bringing us together. Thank you for taking this blog and using it to create relationships and a community of women who want to know you more and love you more. Who want to be better women for your purpose. Who want to be better daughters, wives, and mothers! We are so grateful for what you do everyday to prepare us for the next day. We need you today and everyday. We love you so much. Let us be a light in a dark world. Amen.


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