I was tired, worn down, feeling like I was craving love and an identity. I was on 3 days of just a few hours of sleep and I woke up looking forward to a date day with my husband hoping to finally feel “seen.” I looked forward to this all week! Then the text came…all our plans were crushed and so was I. I was longing for just a glimpse, even for just an hour of feeling, well, “fulfilled.”
I didn’t know what to do with these feelings. I was sad, angry…empty. I know what you’re going to say, “God can fill you up.” And yes, I know He is more then enough. But I just wanted a human interaction where someone looked me in the eyes without a demand that said “you are seen, loved, known and you are doing a great job. You are needed here.”
Ever feel this way?
If you don’t know anything about my story, I’ll give it to you in a nutshell. I met my husband and was engaged in 8 months and married in a year. I went from being single for 32 years to being married with three kids (from my husbands previous marriage) in just months. I moved away from my hometown, my family and my friends. Then a year later was pregnant and have raised my first baby this past year. BIG changes in a short time.
So what does this have to do with anything? Well, I used to be able to go to the gas station and bump into someone that “knew” me. I used to pick up the phone and call my sister or best friend to say “I’m feeling a little down, wanna go to the mall?” I used to work with friends that said hello every morning I walked in and would get a few “good job’s” throughout the day. I used to walk into the church that I sang in and had people walk up to me and introduce themselves. I felt known, loved, connected. Today, I am a stay at home mom. Some days I get to Target with my two boys but no one knows my name. I get to church once a week if I’m lucky and wave to a few people I’ve met along the way. It’s not just big changes in distance but going from feeling known in my hometown for 32 years to staying home most days with a husband that works a lot of hours, you can lose yourself. And that’s what led me to realize- only I can find myself again.
Through this experience, with the help of God, I realized a few things:
- Build a life where you are planted– You can’t cling to where you once were. You want to feel “known”? Then you need to make yourself known! Get out there. Introduce yourself. Start a class at your local gym, get a job, start a women’s group, be a part of a team. Anything that plants you where you are- do it! For the longest time I didn’t do this. I clung to what I knew. And it hindered my happiness.
- Change your perspective- Sometimes it takes a lot to get to this point but perspective is everything. Sometimes we build walls up that we didn’t even know we had. We believe that this is where we are in life and it’s as far as we can go but it’s not true! There are endless possibilities and no barriers except the ones we create. Your life can be filled with your favorite people, places, opportunities etc. I built walls up believing this was my life and it’s where it had to stay. But then God got a hold of me and busted down those walls and changed my perspective.
- Make room– Making room for people in our lives is always inconvenient. The more people we add to our lives the more “inconvenient” it seems. Jesus constantly went out of His way for others. He walked miles and miles just to get to people. We too are meant to go out of our way to be there for others and have the same done for us. We were built for relationships. And when we fill our lives with people, we feel connected, loved, seen, and known. It’s an extremely rewarding inconvenience!!
- God- Last but not least- God. God is the only one who reveals the right path. Without Him in our lives, we wouldn’t know which path to take or be able to see out of our “fog.” He revealed these things to me in my time spent in His presence. But He didn’t want me to just stop at spending time with him to be fulfilled. He wanted me to take action and get out there. He uses others for our fulfillment too!
No matter where you are in life. Whether in a new town or just a new season and you feel like you lost yourself or don’t know which way to go- Get on your knees, ask for guidance and then get out there find the you, you were always meant to be!
“O LORD, You have searched me and known me. Show me the way.”