I never want to forget a detail. Each painful beautiful moment was and will always be some of the best moments of my whole life.
Dear Lord,
Thank you for our birth story. I’m just sitting here thinking and reflecting on those days at the hospital. Each one tough leading up to Silas’ birth but each a day I treasure so much, from the day I got there to every painful day after to the amazing day he entered the world. Thank You.
Sunday night was filled with excitement, McDonald’s, joy, and laughter when Neil and I checked in to be induced. They begin with Cervadil to get things started. It’s the beginning of a sleepless night because of the hopes and dreams that lye ahead.
Monday morning comes and mom arrives early with a huge smile and a coffee. The day starts with breakfast then being injected with Pitocin. We sat waiting for contractions, dilation and for the baby to arrive. As the day went on and nothing progressed, they insert Foley Balls to “mechanically” dilate me and they up the Pitocin dose. All three of us embark on the journey of walking the halls with me feeling pain that I never felt before. I couldn’t sit, or lay, only walk. And walking was horribly unpleasant at best. We tried a shower to help as Neil sat on the floor with music to calm me and “Mary Did You Know?” started to play and tears flowed with the water. Still no relief, but feeling the incredible love that surrounded me. The nurses saw my pain continue for hours and talked me into a light dose of morphine that I fought against at first. But after that I wish I would have accepted it earlier to be honest. Then my sister arrived for a little to be by my side.
Another night goes by.
Tuesday morning, after all the pain of Monday and overnight with not much sleep, hoping to hear some good news of dilation, the midwife arrives. She checks only to find I’m at a two at best. She decides to see if she can get in to break my water. FINALLY, progress! My water has broken and more tears but tears of relief this time. She swears we are having this baby today! Me and my son will be birthday twins! The room is filled with excitement again after 24 tough hours of pain and we are all back in a place of anticipation and happiness! They start the pitocin again and contractions begin with a vengeance. Coming every 60 seconds and STRONG! I made it three hours of walking the halls again, arm and arm with my husband and mom. The shaking began and my legs give out. We call for the epidural by 11:30am. My mom calls my dad, sister and brother to come to Pennsylvania after work because, as the doctor said, the baby will be arriving!
There I lay, on my birthday around 7pm, my dad, sister and brother in law arrive with “Happy Birthday Jill and Silas” signs, balloons and flowers but still no baby. The midwife arrives shortly after. She checks again and hangs her head low and mumbles “This is the most disappointing thing all day. After all the contractions and 2nd full day of pitocin, you haven’t dilated any more.” The room deflates. She asks if I’m ready to give up and she tells me she isn’t. Surprisingly, I’m still up for more. My dad and brother in law leave to head back to Maryland. To be honest I’m starting to feel disappointed at this point and a little upset that my baby and I won’t be sharing our birthdays like we thought. The midwife says we will take a break and start the pitocin up again at 9pm. My husband, mom and sister by my side still cheering me on. The pitocin begins and they tell me to get some rest because if it does work, I’ll need energy to push. Neil opens up the couch and mom and Lisa head to lobby to rest too. 4 hours goes by and multiple check ins from the nursing staff. Mom checks in around midnight as well and kisses me on the forehead. She asks if I’m ok as if something is wrong. The nurse comes in right after and asks me if I’m warm. I tell her “I’m fine” and try to shut my eyes. Before I know it, all the lights come on and the midwife comes in with the words “Game over!”
I have a fever and they need to get the baby out immediately because one or both of us probably has an infection. They tell me I won’t do skin to skin and Silas will most likely be in the NICU the first couple days. Scared and disappointed we head in for a C-section. At first I laid there all alone with bright lights and lots of masked staff around me. They prep me for surgery and finally let Neil in. Comfort! I begin singing to myself “I Will Trust in You” by Lauren Daigle as they begin to cut. Neil press his forehead to mine and starts praying. The Lord swept in and heard our call. Silas is pulled out with the clearest most beautiful cry I’ve ever heard. I yell “he has mommy’s lungs!” Lol. Our baby came out healthy! We did skin to skin and he hasn’t left my side since.
Thank you Lord for this beautiful journey. I never want it to end.
Father you are so good,
Jill
