When bending is no longer an option, we break. But is breaking a bad thing?
I heard it said that when you break your arm in a particular place, it is so unlikely to break in that place again because your bone heals that much stronger in that particular spot. I’ve only lived for 34 years but to be honest life doesn’t seem much different than that.
I’ve seen where I’ve bent and bent and bent and then when I finally broke in that area I was healed with such strength. But sometimes we think our strength is in the “not breaking.” We think that if we break, we expose ourselves as weak. But the truth is, breaking is for the strong.
Let me be vulnerable with you for a moment. Let me break right in front of you….
We have been bending in my home for a while now. I’ve been bending in my heart for even longer. I know everyone is busy and life seems chaotic for all of us but I’d say from a 1-10 we are tipping the scale past 10.
My husband who already has two businesses, recently signed a big contract on a new business that is in the early stages of building. Financial questions, design questions, marketing questions etc. are our everyday stresses. We also have three children that we take to school, practice, and friend’s houses, as well as deal with the typical growing pains of teens and a 4 year old who needs loads of attention. Next up, we have less than two months until this new precious baby will arrive, throwing a whole new wrench into the situation and we have to prepare not just our hearts but also our home for that. So we are smack dab in the middle of a total house rehab. There has been drywall dust in our bedroom, living room, kitchen and basement that insists on reappearing daily for the last 3 months as the project seems to go on and on. And the baby’s room can’t begin its transformation because the rest of the house is still in transition. Lastly keep in mind that this is a fairly new marriage going on just two short years. So my husband and I have also come head to head with a new way of life, our own baggage and how to work through it all.
Sounds like fun right? Our lives have seemed to be in complete and total disarray these last few months. And just like that movie, “somethings gotta give”- boy did it.
I broke. And then Neil broke. We broke on different days, but we both BROKE. Tears, yelling out to God and painfully but thankfully, SURRENDER.
In our own way, we both yelled out that we couldn’t live like this anymore. When I broke Neil asked who I was arguing with? I replied “myself!” Looking back now it was bit comical but at the time I couldn’t crack a smile if you paid me. I saw so clearly that my own flesh and satan’s lies were causing me to see all of the above chaos as my own private hell and prison. From the house rehab, the new business, the kid’s lives, to the new baby, and our marriage, I was believing it all to be burden!
But when we admit that this is all out of our control and we let God take the wheel in complete surrender, something beautiful happens…
Burden becomes blessing and perspective changes!
When I broke and gave it all over to God, he opened my eyes and I heard his voice. He gave me grace to see it His way. “You have a beautiful baby on the way with a soft place for his head to lay and you have all the love to give! Your husband’s hands have been blessed and his work is successful, providing not just your family but for many families. Your house is being transformed into a “home” that you and your husband’s hard work and ideas have built together as a team. And your marriage is healing both of you because you both keep showing up with me as your guide!” God speaks TRUTH. When you are bold enough to let go, admit you need God, and break into his arms, the truth will make you strong. Stronger than before.
Interestingly enough, Neil’s breaking came after mine, which allowed me to serve him with the knowledge and wisdom that the Lord put on my heart through all this. Which I believe was part of God’s plan all along. The best part is that Neil loved me through the moments I was breaking and I could love him through his. The ease that has come in our marriage through the wreckage has been the biggest blessing for me. To see each other choose God as our anchor and then see each other as our support has made both of us fall more in love through this.
Where we once broke we are healed that much stronger.
“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” James 1:2-4