There’s two different types of women in this world: 1. those that are hard to get and 2. those that are “playing” hard to get. I had this conversation with my (almost) 15 year old step daughter yesterday. She was telling me about the world she lives in and let me tell you, it’s different than ours was but SO the same. If you’re a daughter, wife, mom or teen, keep reading.
Now, you’re probably wondering how playing hard to get applies to all of us. But trust me when I say, it does. I grew up with amazing parents who told me how wonderful I was to them and to the world. They made me feel confident and equipped me with wisdom and faith. However, after a traumatic relationship in my late teens I forgot who I was and my life, worth and perspective became completely skewed. But maybe that’s not your story. Maybe your parents divorced when you needed them together. Maybe you grew up in a rough household and no one ever told you what you were really worth. Maybe you yourself just never had confidence. If you fall under any of these categories or somewhere in between, continue with me.
From what I understand, girls are still playing hard to get these days. but playing is the only action they are taking. They are taking pretty pics for Instagram and quoting song lyrics like “what’s wrong with being confident” by Demi Lovato (in which, by the way, Demi wears thigh high boots and lingerie in the video.) And then 15 year old male classmates turn around asking the same girls for more than just pictures of their face over Snapchat. The girls respond with the opposite of confidence and send back their bare bodies. Doesn’t sound that different from my days of dating, except I was 25 and there was no Snapchat. Even with a somewhat changing world we have an unchanging God. Hebrews 13:8. “God is the same yesterday, today and forever.” For this, I am grateful.
Our kids tend to think we are so different. But we know we aren’t. We have gone through the exact same things but somehow our wrinkles make it irrelevant to them. BUT if they believe the world is different today that’s OK, as long as they know God is and always will be the same. Our age and culture difference will not matter as long as they understand they face the same great God.
Now let’s get back to the difference between hard to get and playing hard to get. Are you standing on a firm foundation? Do you know what you stand for? At one time of my life, I didn’t have a clue. I was as clueless as the 15 year old girls we noted. But this doesn’t just apply to dating. It applies to all areas of our lives. If someone from work comes up to you and asks you to happy hour with some of the other co-workers, do you go or do you go home to your husband knowing that no one is immune to temptation? If you’re married and an old fling messages you on Facebook and seems harmless and just has a simple question, do you open that door? If a friend makes you feel worthless every time you are in a group of other women, but tells you how amazing you are when it’s just you two, do you hold on to that friendship?
I don’t care how old you are, there is still a young teen inside us seeking validation, worth, and love. Funny enough, it’s actually a gift from God. It’s an emptiness that He hopes leads us to Him and trust me, there is not one of us ladies who isn’t seeking it. But when the source you are seeking those things from is anywhere but in the God that loves you purely, relentlessly, and faithfully, then danger, hurt and pain is 100% sure to follow. It can take a young teen from a life of innocence and turn her into a young mother very quickly. It can take a healthy, happy marriage from a life of trust and turn it into a life of turmoil. It can take a happy woman in a friendship with another woman and turn her into an insecure woman begging for friendship from an abusive friend. So don’t just play hard to get, BE hard to get! Don’t settle for a worldly source to give you your value.
Being human makes us automatically imperfect, failing creatures. Putting your source of worth and happiness in one of us humans is a sure way to have your feet wiped out from under you. We are all so imperfect! But when our faith is so strong in the one who gave us the moon and stars and pursues us purely every single moment of every single day, you can bet that only good comes from that. The way you see yourself, the decisions you make and the love you feel will have you validated in every moment of life.
I’m praying for this for myself, because though I’m getting better at it, I have yet to accomplish it. I’m praying this for my stepdaughters and daughters to come. And I’m praying this for you too. Oh what a world it would be!
I don’t yet see myself the way you see me. I still see the flaws and seek validation in places that do not matter. Please strengthen my faith. Make it so strong that all my worth, validation and love is filled up by You and You alone. I pray for our daughters and women in the same boat. That we pray for each other and lead each other to the only source that satisfies. You are all we need. Let us seek you always in this pursuit of true value. We ask this in your powerful name. Amen.