Divorce- The Choice

Did I scare you with that title? No, I’m not getting a divorce so all those that know me, hold your panties on! But divorce is a very real thing in today’s world and a very big fear for anyone!  The beginning of love is always a fairytale. It holds so much hope for who that person is, for the future, and for what could be.  It’s been one of the highlights of my life- the beginning! Ahhhh…. but then something happens as time goes on.  Our rose colored glasses come off and we see who is standing in front of us just as they see who is actually standing in front of them.  Are you pleasantly surprised? Or are you shocked that what you see and what you thought you saw are two totally different things?  Either way, what you see isn’t perfection in either one of these situations.  And that is where love is no longer a feeling but a choice.

Neil my husband told me from the beginning of our relationship that love is a choice.  At first I was like “huh?” I always thought that the person that you marry was supposed to be “the one.” That there was a person out there solely for me and once I found him then I didn’t have to work at it because it was just meant to be! That’s what all the shows, movies, songs and facebook posts sold us, right?  Well, just ask a couple that’s been happily married for 40 years if that’s what it really looks like.  Ask them if learning each other came with no complications.  Ask them if every moment was roses. After Neil said that I started to think about what he was saying.  I pondered over it, digested it and realized the truth in it.  That’s when my opinion on finding love and marriage changed. I started to think back to the love between the two people that I know the most. I’ve been lucky enough to watch two people totally in love with each other go through many challenges over the lasts 33 years.  My parents.  I watched them fight. Many of which I was the mediator! Lol.  They always said I was great at being a counselor even at the young age of ten and getting them to a good end result.  I would say “Mom! Now this is what dad is trying to say! And dad, mom is just trying to say this!” But I always watched them choose love at the end.  No matter how heated it got, I saw them love each other the next day.  They kept choosing love.  For 39 years now they’ve done it. And now they have 3 successfully grown children, all with new happy marriages in place and now with their first grandchild on the way. They began a legacy and it is continuing because of that choice.

On Tuesday, feeling under the weather but excited about mine and Neil’s one year anniversary, I posted a special post to him on social media. I stayed home from work that day because I had strep throat and Neil stayed home with me knowing that he’d have to take care of me and other things that were going on at home.  By the end of the night I was hurt that he didn’t say anything on the post knowing that he saw it early in the morning because of an earlier conversation.  My husband doesn’t love social media from the get go but I thought he’d take the time to write something nice back.  As I started picking on him for it he said, “I’m sorry but I was so busy and you know how I am with facebook. By the way, did you miss all the other ways I loved you today?  I took care of you, went and got your medicine and cough drops, I made you lunch, talked to the charity that you want to work with for you, brought home pizza for dinner since you weren’t feeling good and I kissed you over and over.” Yep, I heard all that and still continued bickering about it.  But, by the end of the argument, I listened instead of talked and finally heard what my husband was saying to me.  We did go to bed back in love with each other.

But the Lord knows what he’s doing. The next morning as I was getting ready for work, I turned on some Joyce Meyer preachin’ and God schooled me!  It became so clear to me that I was not choosing to see love, I was choosing to see just myself, my feelings and my emotions.  I got stuck in all my insecurities and caused a riff over something so dumb.  So I went straight to the store,  got a card and covered it in writing about how foolish I had been, along with Neils favorite kind of smoothie at Smoothie King and dropped it off to his work.  I chose love.  I chose to look inward.  I chose God.  I didn’t choose “being right.”  I didn’t choose to stay mad.  I chose to see my part and my part only.  This is marriage. This is love. This is relationship.  I know I will fail again. But my prayer is to get better every time at choosing love quicker as to not miss the time God has given us. “And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.”

1 Corinthians 13:13.


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