As previous blog posts have gone, I talk a lot about current situations in my life and this one is no different. But this time it’s coming from a totally different place. If you’ve followed me the last 6 months or so, you know I’ve had all kinds of different situations. When I first started writing this, I wasn’t dating at all. I put myself on a dating freeze and decided to just date Jesus. I wanted to become the person he wanted me to be in him alone. I wanted to put all my efforts in discovering God and myself. 13 years of dating and some crazy relationships brought me to that place. Was it hard at times and lonely? Of course! But it was nothing short of absolutely amazing. I fell completely in love with Jesus and myself. It was worth more then anything I’ve ever done for myself. And I encourage anyone in the same situation to do the same. You will NOT regret it.
Let’s move forward, so after over a year of being single, I decided to go on a date. I followed the holy spirits guidance thoroughly. The person was a great man and a Christian man, but God had given me a very distinct feeling in my soul that something wasn’t right. Because he was a Godly man, I questioned it at first but the undying feeling the spirit gave, I just couldn’t shake it. It was hard to let this one go but something told me it was the best thing for the both of us and painfully said goodbye. Then after about a month or two another Christian man started to pursue me and I accepted a date. Not only did God show me that he wasn’t a spiritual leader but he also showed me how far I’ve come in recognizing what is right for me and what is wrong for me in God’s eyes. This one was much easier to let pass me by. In this situation I knew I’d be drawn closer to sin and not closer to God. Not that he was a bad man, he just wasn’t walking the same path I was.
Which now brings me to the present. I recently have been pursued in the way God has intended a man to pursue a woman and that is in the pursuit of marriage. I’m being pursued honorably, respectfully and confidently with God as the focus for us both. And for that reason alone, I continue to move forward daily in this relationship. The Holy Spirit continues to give me little winks in the verses I read, in the things this man does and the prayer life we have together already. Am I excited? Absolutely! But as all stories go, I hit a bump in the road.
As I have learned, the devil wants nothing more then to not allow a godly couple to come together. I found myself one day being attacked by the devil, using the scars of my past relationships. I began to think thoughts about who others were in my past and questioned if this man would do the same. I started to lose faith in something that was 100% from God all because I allowed Satan to take hold of my thoughts! He wanted to keep me in the past and stop me from moving forward. It was nothing this man said or did. If anything he was beyond loving and affectionate at every moment he could be. It was my thoughts alone that created a separation for a couple days in my mind. So I spoke to my mentor first and she told me to talk to him about it. I had a deep 4 hour conversation with him telling him my fears. As a spiritual leader should, he pointed me towards God. Telling me to put my trust with the Lord because he guides this ship. He sent me a verse about trust before bed that night and prayed for me. That was a great example in my life of how a man is to lead me to God through a relationship. It was an example of someone bringing me closer to what God wants for me, which is trust in Him alone!
John 14:27 says “I leave you peace, my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives to you. Do not let your hearts be trouble and do not be afraid!” This verse lays on my heart heavily as I write this. Once you give God everything he will give you a supernatural peace in all areas of your life. God wants you to trust him and not look at your past circumstances. He wants to guide your new circumstances. Once we have trust, we have gladness. And that is where I am today.
Psalm33:21- “In him our hearts rejoice because we TRUST in his holy name.”