The Waiting Game > The Dating Game

So there I sat last week, excited that my day to finally date again
was coming up, all of a sudden fear started not only to creep in but FLOOD!
Where the heck did all this come from?

Let me start from the beginning. After I ended my most recent two year
codependent relationship built on insecurities from the both of us, I promised
myself I wasn’t going to date for 6 months. I was determined to break the cycle
of unhealthy relationships and make sure I was whole and healthy for an amazing
whole and healthy man.  But as old habits
go, they don’t die easy.  After 3 months
of singleness, (which was actually a long time for me, as opposed to my usual
two weeks) I broke my promise and started doing the EXACT opposite of what I
learned, “Let the guy pursue you. Let God bring the right man in your life. Don’t
look for him- God will bring him to you.” 
Well wasn’t a Facebook request good enough? That was pursuing me, right?
Gosh he was cute…like REALLY cute. And he says he loves God! Ok, I’m
interested!  We dated and boy did my
impatience and disobedience bite me in the butt!  I don’t doubt that the guy loved God, but he
also still loved his ex. And on top of that neither of us were as mature in our
spiritual walk as we’d hoped to have the Christian relationship we sought after
and I fell flat on my face and was left hurting. I reaped the painful reward from
trying to make things work my way instead of Gods way. I was brought to my
knees and I surrendered.  Just like that
hand game “Mercy” we played as kids.  “Mercy,
mercy- God do it your way!”  I picked
myself back up and started over.  My 6
months became another 6 months.  And I
can honestly say, I’ve been as obedient as one could be and now I’ve reaped the
amazing rewards.

The last 5 months have been great!  I haven’t laughed this much or felt this free
since I was 16.  I’ve grown.  I’ve moved out on my own and every night I
sing to the top of my lungs without anyone yelling at me to shut up (Lol)! I’ve
made unbelievable relationships with the opposite sex without any guilt.  And for the most part, I’m pretty healthy in
every sense of the word.  I was even
forced to face one of my biggest fears and watch my ex get into a relationship
while I’ve been single (which was one of the main reasons I got into
relationships so quickly in my past.) I thought I’d never survive that. Of
course there was pain and it got a little messy but I’m still standing!

So where is this FEAR coming from?  Hadn’t I faced it all? Hadn’t I broken the
cycle? All these negative thoughts like “what if I’m too picky and I miss the
guy God has for me?”  “What if I’m not
picky enough and I end up settling again? What if a friendship gets screwed up
because of a date?” And the band of worries came marching in with their loud
noisy selves.  I was putting all this
pressure on myself.  I was putting all
this pressure on dating and what would happen. 
That’s when I reached out for Godly advice and like God said “seek and
ye shall find.”  

The person gave me solid advice and then sent me a book
about dating. I opened the first chapter and there were the words “We are
called to love as Jesus loves.”  Powerful. 
It expressed how dating to fulfill our own desires was not the
way that Jesus loved us.  It said Christian
love is about fulfilling the other person’s desires not our own and that dating
a person before knowing that they are “the one” is selfish really.  It causes hurt, pain and more sin in the
lives of both involved.  This shook
me!  The author also drove home the point
to put God first and then just hang out with the opposite sex, create true
friendships, then God would one day make it clear to me who the one is
that he has for me.  And that we would
naturally get to the point where we would look at each other and say, “I want
to date you to marry you.”  Immediately,
I felt like pounds of bricks were lifted off my shoulders.  I felt God’s promise.  I felt him say “Trust me, there’s nothing you
can do to miss the man I have for you.”

God doesn’t want us to worry. God wants us to pursue him and
focus on him and allow him to do the work. 
Waiting can of course cause us some pain but it breeds patience and brings God’s best. Whereas dating for the wrong reasons can cause a lot more pain than
waiting ever did!  The waiting game is
greater than the dating game. God won’t let you down. He promised. 🙂 
31:8- “
GOD is striding ahead of you. He’s right there with you. He won’t
let you down; he won’t leave you. Don’t be intimidated. Don’t worry.”

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4 thoughts on “The Waiting Game > The Dating Game

  1. Hello Jill Pasco. So good to know you thorugh your profile on the blogger and the blog post. I am glad to stop by your blog post and was interesting to note how one can go in to wrong choices if not waited on the Lord for God to send a man of His choice to be a life partner. I am from Mumbai, India and have been in the Pastoral ministry for last 37yrs in this great city of Mumbai. Here in India our culture allows parents to play a very important role in choosing a right life partner for their daughter or a son. In Christian circles where parents do give due importance to Pastors and their advise about the selection is vital and based on their advise the parents of boy or girl will make choices for their children. Our marriages last long and we have only 5 to 10 % divorse rate both amongst non christians and christians. I will be praying for God to bring a godly young man of His choice in your life. I wanted to share with you about our program for young and the adults from west. MUMBAI is a city with great contrast where richest of rich and the pooret of poor live. We reach out to the poorest of poor with the love of christ to bring healing to the broken hearted. We also encourge young and the adults fromt he west to come to Mumbai to work with us during their vacation time. We would love to have you come to Mumbai with your friends to work with us during their vacation time. I am sure you will have a life changing experience. My emai id is: dhwankhede(at)gmail(dot)com and my name is Diwakar Wankhede. Looking forward to hear f rom you.

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